


I Can't Help Myself

by odetosleep



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-10
Updated: 2014-04-10
Packaged: 2018-01-18 20:02:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1441057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odetosleep/pseuds/odetosleep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For some reason, people always seem to think that Tyler and Josh are dating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can't Help Myself

**Author's Note:**

> Some of this isn’t really fiction, since I started transcribing bits of interviews. Then I slotted them together with other little bits I’d written while half-asleep – not necessarily chronologically – and ended up with this. I’m not sure what it’s meant to be exactly. Sorry.

_“Are we gonna talk about the history?”_

_“Um, yeah…” Tyler says, turning to his right. “Josh? You wanna tell how we met or anything?”_

_“We were at a shooting range,” Josh says seriously, clasping his hands on his left knee as Tyler lets out a small sound of laughter. “I was actually… ‘cause I didn’t know him at the time, and we were both just kind of like next to each other, firing… and I was kind of like having a hard time like, hitting the thing… it was my first time at a shooting range, and he,” he indicates Tyler with his thumb, “was like hitting it right on the mark every single time. And I was just like, “dude, can you show me some pointers?” and he just kind of like came over and –“_

_“Oh, I got behind you, didn’t I?” Tyler interjects, holding his ukulele as he watches Josh tell the story._

_Josh grins, acting it out. “Yeah, it was like the kind of thing where he like put his arm around and like grabbed the gun and - and it was awesome, and so then I tried it on my own and I did it, and we like jumped in the air and high-fived, and we hugged…”_

_“And then we were like…“ Tyler prompts._

_“”Let’s start a band together!”” Josh finishes._

 

~ * ~ * ~

 

The way they met isn’t really that interesting, but it’s fun to make up a new ridiculous story every time somebody asks, whether it’s a train wreck, a car crash, or being in prison for murder. They take it in turns, but Josh’s stories are usually the best. Tyler’s somehow always involve at least one reference to Celine Dion and/or The Dixie Chicks. Josh always finds it funny, though, so that’s okay. And Josh laughing makes Tyler laugh, the particular laugh he saves for Josh, even if Josh hasn’t quite picked up on the fact that Tyler’s face only crinkles up like that from smiling so big whenever Josh causes it.

 

~ * ~ * ~

 

They have their whole crew travelling with them, all friends, but because it’s just Tyler and Josh technically in the band, people often seem to get the idea that they have a different kind of relationship than professional /friendship. It doesn’t bother them, really, but Mark likes to feign jealousy whenever it happens to diffuse the awkwardness.

And though it _is_ awkward when people feel the need to ask if they’re dating or sleeping together, Tyler doesn’t really help matters by asking Josh to “be a darling” and fetch him a drink or whatever. But it’s equally Josh’s fault because he always goes along with whatever Tyler says. He knows Tyler’s not being a jerk, and he finds it funny too when they make fun of people who act like Josh is the assistant to Tyler’s superstar or something.

And he supposes they _are_ sleeping together, though not in that sense. Sharing a bed doesn’t matter that much when they don’t have enough money for rooms for everyone on hotel nights, and all of them end up squashed against each other at some point when they have to drive through the night and sleep in the back of the van. Anyway, Tyler has trouble sleeping a lot, and being pressed along Josh’s side seems to help him. It’s comforting to Josh, too, so… it’s really not a big deal, mostly.

 

~ * ~ * ~

 

“Was it _necessary_ to refer to me as your ‘boo’?”

“Was it _necessary_ for you to blush?” Tyler responds innocently as they clamber into the van. Josh ducks his head so Tyler doesn’t see him smiling. He _is_ still kind of annoyed. He turns away from Tyler and watches the slow-moving traffic.

“Josh. Joooosh.”

Tyler knows he can’t ignore him for long.

“Okay, fine. Next time an interviewer asks if we have nicknames I’ll just tell them yours is The Joshinator.”

Josh can’t help it. He laughs.

“I don’t know, man. I thought the cutie-pie nicknames thing was kind of sweet,” Jordan supplies unhelpfully from the front seat.

“I’m afraid Joshikins here doesn’t appreciate such terms of endearment,” Tyler says mock-sorrowfully, staring at him with wide brown eyes like he’s a puppy Josh just kicked.

“Tyler, I’m warning you –“

“But _sweetheart_ –“

“Don’t you dare!”

There’s silence for a few seconds. Then Tyler leans in to Josh, like he’s going to rest his head on Josh’s shoulder.

“ _Sugar-pie, honey-bunch_!” he croons loudly, right in Josh’s ear.

“You know that I love you!” Mark yells from the back of the van, completely off-key, and a delighted Tyler pops up over the back of the seat to grin at him. They both pause expectantly, staring at Josh.

“I can’t help myself,” Josh says truthfully, reluctantly joining in with a roll of his eyes as Tyler plops back down next to him. Josh elbows him in the ribs and he laughs, rubbing his side before turning to look out of the window thoughtfully.

“I love you and nobody else,” he sings softly.

 

~*~*~

 

Tyler was having a bad night and Josh hadn’t known what to do. Sometimes when Tyler got that way there was nothing anyone could do to try to fix it. Tyler had performed as usual, screaming a little more harshly maybe, hitting the piano keys a little more haphazardly. The only smile had been a weak one that said “please don’t ask” when Josh had touched his shoulder and opened his mouth to ask if Tyler was okay.

He’d curled up in the back of the van as soon as they’d all climbed in, and the general mood was subdued as everyone tried to be quiet and not to disturb him. Josh had fallen asleep maybe an hour after that, and he wakes up to a slamming van door and a muffled “shit, sorry!” as the other guys walk past his window to go into the gas station they’ve currently stopped at.

Tyler is still sleeping though, lying on his stomach with his face half hidden in the crook of his arm, looking far less weary than he had last night. He looks so peaceful lying there, with his eyelashes dark against his cheek, that Josh can’t help shifting a little closer and touching Tyler’s cheek with one fingertip. He doesn’t stir, and in the early morning light slanting through the van windows Tyler looks so beautiful to Josh that he just leans forward and presses his lips to Tyler’s forehead.  Tyler shifts and mumbles something that sounds like Josh’s name, blinking groggily.

By the time he’s fully awake, Josh is checking his phone.

“Hey,” Tyler says as he stretches, making Josh duck to avoid his arm. He eyes Josh’s phone. “Were you taking pictures of me while I was asleep? Because that’s super creepy, you know.”

“Videos, actually,” Josh jokes, and Tyler yawns theatrically, already distracted by the sight of the others carrying snacks back to the van.

“Please tell me they bought me some YooHoo.”

Ben slides the door open and tosses Tyler a can before climbing in.

“They bought you some YooHoo,” Josh observes dutifully.

 

~*~*~

 

_“I kinda miss it, actually,” Tyler says, looking at Josh as he refers to the tours when they had to sleep in the back of a van._

_“It was a good experience, other than not sleeping at all ‘cause it was so cold,” Josh says. “But, uh, it felt like –“_

_“The only thing that was there to warm us up was… friendship,” Tyler interrupts._

_“Yeah,” Josh laughs and nods. “There was a lot of… friendship in the air.”_

_“To clarify,” Tyler interrupts again, holding his hand out and looking at Josh, “there was a lot of other dudes in the car.”_

_“Which makes it better, somehow,” Josh grins._

_“Yeah, well no, I’m saying it’s just, you know, we’re a two piece band, you know it’s just two of us, and we’re talking about friendship and keeping each other warm at night. I just feel like it needs to be clarified there were other guys in the van.”_

_“Yeah,” Josh says with a shrug, nonplussed by Tyler’s attempt at a ‘no homo’. “More dudes.”_

_He and Tyler laugh together and try to say, “Which is much better”, but Josh gets it out first._

~*~*~

 

Josh is huddled under an unzipped sleeping bag for a blanket, playing Mario Kart against Jordan, when Tyler comes down the aisle from the back of the bus and lifts the edge up before sliding in next to Josh. He’s wearing his hood up with the strings pulled tight, so his face is partially hidden by a frame of puckered fabric. It might look comedic, but he thumps his head back against the wall a little harder than necessary and Josh doesn’t even have to ask, “writer’s block?” - he just offers him the controller and lets him take over kicking Jordan’s ass on Rainbow Road. Eventually Tyler loosens his hood and gets really into the game, releasing his nervous energy in the form of bouncing on the seat and repeatedly knocking into Josh.

After another half hour or so Josh is tired and he’s actually a little uncomfortable with Tyler’s elbow digging into his side, but he doesn’t move. He could take advantage of the comparatively spacious bus and just go and sleep in his bunk, but he leans his head back and falls asleep next to his best friend instead.

When he wakes up the TV is off, the lights are dimmed, and there’s a painful cramp in his neck and shoulder. He doesn’t register that his left side is warmer and heavier than it should be until he’s already tried to stretch his stiff limbs and dislodges Tyler, whose head slips off of Josh’s shoulder and bangs into the wall. He wakes up with a groan and glares at Josh accusingly through half-open eyes.

“Sorry!” Josh whispers, gathering up the sleeping bag that had slipped down their legs onto the floor.

“It’s _cold_ ,” Tyler whines, reaching for it, but Josh folds it up as best he can, which isn’t very well, and drops it onto the seat opposite. He grabs Tyler’s outstretched hands and pulls him unsteadily to his feet.

“C’mon, it’s after 3am,” Josh murmurs, catching sight of the glowing numbers on the digital microwave clock in the kitchen area. “Might as well try to fit in a few more hours of sleep.”

Tyler grudgingly allows him to lead him to the bunks by the wrist, scrubbing at his face with the back of his free hand while Josh keeps his fingers to his lips to remind him not to wake any of the others behind the closed bunk curtains. Tyler scrambles into his bunk fully clothed, and Josh climbs into his own bunk above Tyler’s after kicking off his shoes. He knows he’ll get yelled at when someone trips over them in the morning, but right now his neck hurts and he’s too sleepy to care. Without thinking he drops his arm down and after a moment he feels Tyler get a grip on his fingers. After a while it slackens, and Josh knows he can pull his arm up into his bunk and roll onto his back and finally get back to sleep himself. He waits a little while longer though, until his ears can pick out Tyler’s quiet even breaths over the faint sound of the engine and his own heartbeat, muffled in his right ear against the pillow. When he gently pulls his hand away it feels suddenly cold.

Josh dreams that he’s swimming alone in a giant bowl of Reese’s Puffs.

 

~*~*~

 

The negative side of a big tour bus is not really being able to stop at Taco Bell. They do it anyway though, making the driver park across a row of empty spaces and promising “ten minutes!” before running off across the parking lot.

They’d rather sit down and eat to get a change of scenery from the bus’s little kitchen, so they get a table by a window to keep an eye on the bus. It’s not that busy so they can goof around as much as they want without bothering anyone. Tyler takes a huge exaggerated bite of his first taco just to see how much he can fit in his mouth and almost spits it out from laughing at the others’ reactions to his hamster cheeks.

“You got a little bit of –“ Josh leans over the table and swipes some sauce from the corner of Tyler’s mouth with one fingertip. He looks at it for a second then wipes his hand on a napkin.

“Thanks, bro,” Tyler mumbles around his mouthful of food.

Mark shakes his head. “Dude. It’s like you’re _trying_ to make people think you’re a couple.”

Josh and Tyler look at him blankly for a moment. In sync, they tilt their heads to one side and make kissy faces. Shreds of lettuce fall out of Tyler’s lips and Josh sniggers, “That’s so gross.”

“Children,” Mark says in a confidential voice to the middle-aged woman at the table to their left, rolling his eyes at the ceiling. She ignores him and gets up to leave.

“Am I right?” he calls after her.

 

~*~*~

 

When they get off the bus at the venue for the next show, Tyler is wearing Josh’s skull patterned leggings. Mark raises his eyebrows at Josh as they stand waiting for Ben and Michael to get started unloading the gear.

“He was jealous,” Josh explains. “Apparently they’re much more ‘him’ than they are ‘me’, so I said he could wear them.”

Mark snorts. “You know he’s not going to give them back now, right?”

Josh looks over at Tyler, who is perching on top of a stack of boxes and swinging his skull-adorned legs.

He shrugs. “He’s right. They look better on him anyway.”

 

The next day, Josh is wearing Tyler’s favorite sleeveless shirt. Mark’s pretty sure it’s the one Tyler was wearing three days ago and he probably hasn’t even washed it, but he doesn’t bother asking.

 

~*~*~

 

_“Are you professionally romantic as well?” the interviewer asks, waving her hand to indicate both of them._

_“Together?” Josh and Tyler say at the same time._

_“Yeah.”_

_“It’s a good question,” Tyler says, raising his eyebrows as Josh makes a dismissive noise._

_“I’m flipping the script,” she jokes, and Josh laughs a little awkwardly over Tyler’s, “No…”_

_“What do you think? I mean, do you think we are?” Josh asks, twisting his fingers together._

_“Yeah. Do we strike you as… professionally romantic?” Tyler asks. They both stare at her._

_“You are sitting quite close to each other…”_

_“You ASKED us to!” Josh says a little too loudly into the mic, and the interviewer raises her eyebrows._

_“There’s no proof of that, is there?” she grins._

_Tyler looks into the camera wide-eyed, points at it and says, “Then we’ll go… ‘playback, please!’”_

_“I edit that, so…”_

_“Oh, okay,” Tyler concedes as Josh laughs and claps sarcastically. “We’re screwed.”_

 

~*~*~

 

“Does it really bother you that people keep rolling with that idea?” Jordan says offhandedly to Josh as they watch Tyler try to choose between two offensively bright patterned shirts (Josh would have chosen the pink triangular patterned one, he thinks).

“That we’re dating?” Josh asks. He pauses for a little too long, watching Tyler pick up the pink shirt and nod to himself.

“Yeah.”

“Not really,” Josh says with a dismissive shrug. “It’s kind of funny.”

Jordan looks from Josh to Tyler and nods. “Sure.”

Tyler pulls his current shirt off and changes into the pink one, zipping his jacket up over it. Josh looks away before he can catch him staring at Tyler’s tattoos. It’s not like he hasn’t seen Tyler shirtless hundreds of times already.

“Go time,” Tyler says seriously, slinging his arm around Josh’s shoulders and walking him towards the door.

They do their handshake before they go onstage, Tyler bobbing on the balls of his feet with excited tension. He and Josh pull their masks on, smoothing them down over their heads. Josh moves to go on first past Tyler like always, but Tyler puts his hand out to stop him.

He pulls Josh forward with a hand to his neck until they’re forehead to forehead. Josh can only see Tyler’s eyes through the holes in his mask.

“I’m really glad you decided to do this with me,” Tyler whispers, and Josh nods against him. Tyler releases Josh’s neck and he strides out onto the stage and climbs up over his drum kit, heart buzzing surely as loudly as the crowd.

 

~*~*~

 

They try to meet with fans whenever they can, which means going out to take pictures and talk with whoever stuck it out by the buses after a show. But some nights, like tonight, Josh has been having one of those days where he just feels completely inadequate and doesn’t feel like smiling for photos right now.

He mumbles, mostly to himself, while he waits for Tyler to change his shoes and hoodie so they can go out and get it over with.

“Sometimes I don’t see why I should come out too. Most of them are just kids who are half in love with you.”

Tyler just gives a tiny laugh and shakes his head, sitting on the edge of one of the lower bunks to lean over and tie his shoelaces. Josh doesn’t even think about the consequences of what he says next; it just falls out of his mouth like Tyler pulled on the string of Josh’s recent thoughts.

“You know sometimes, I think I am too.”

Tyler doesn’t miss a beat, just finishes his left shoe and moves on to the right.

“Of course you are. You’re my best friend.”

When Josh doesn’t respond, Tyler straightens up and looks at him. Josh is a little afraid to look at his face, but Tyler puts a hand under Josh’s chin and tilts his head up.

They stare at each other, and then Tyler just dips his head down and presses his lips gently to the corner of Josh’s mouth.

“You’re my best friend,” he repeats quietly, still with his hand on Josh’s jaw, and it’s not a rebuff or an attempt to belittle Josh. It’s just the simplest way of condensing everything Josh is to Tyler, and Josh knows what he means now.

“Are you guys ready to go-?” Michael sticks his head around the bus door and, to his credit, doesn’t react to Tyler cupping Josh’s face. Tyler just pinches Josh’s cheek like a grandmother who hasn’t seen him in a while and grins at Michael.

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

Josh follows Tyler off the bus towards the ten or so kids waiting for them. His smiles for their photos are genuine.

 

~*~*~

 

Sometimes they do take press seriously, especially when they are asked questions that are important to Tyler and he has to expand on his ideas. Josh doesn’t enjoy interviews that much, but he knows they’re a necessary part of the job now. Most of the time he and Tyler just use interviews as an excuse to be weird in a way that no one else seems to understand. Tyler seems to find it funny when the interviewer is clueless to their in jokes and sarcasm, and Josh is happy to go along with him. Today’s story of how they met is Tyler’s creation involving a travelling circus and a drug smuggling operation gone wrong, which gets kind of out of hand in his elaboration and ends up in them having to demonstrate their ‘secret’ handshake while back to back.

Somehow it ends up with Tyler leaning backwards into Josh, their arms wrapped like Josh is about to twirl Tyler out as part of a slow dance. He goes ahead and does it and Tyler can’t stop laughing, so neither can Josh. They collapse on the sofa next to the bemused interviewer, Tyler poking Josh in the ribs, and it takes a minute for them to separate and sit up straight.

Tyler coughs and reaches for Josh’s glass of water on the side table, even though his own is closer. He hands it to Josh when he’s taken a few gulps, and Josh takes a sip before putting it back. Completely deadpan now, Tyler asks, “Sorry, what was the question?”

The interviewer just stares at them, then looks down at the paper in their lap. “Uh…”

“Don’t feel bad,” Mark says from the other side of the room. “You either get it or you don’t.”

 

~*~*~

 

_Josh is in the middle of explaining why Christmas is one his favorite things about Halloween when Tyler holds out the lollipop he’d been sucking on for the past few minutes. Josh automatically leans forward to take it with his mouth, then catches the eye of someone behind the camera and sits back, rubbing his forehead._

_“Oh, god.”_

_“Wanna try?” Tyler asks innocently._

_“I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t do that.”_

_Tyler laughs. “Why not, bro? We’re buds.”_

_“Yeah, but…” Josh breaks off into laughter. “We’re buds.” He resettles in his chair. “That’ll look bad.”_

_Tyler turns back to the camera. “Another one of my favorite things is sharing candy with your friends.”_

_He holds the lollipop out again without even looking round at Josh, and Josh takes it from him and puts it into his mouth. Tyler turns to watch and then back to the camera, face screwing up as he laughs._

_“It’s just not a good look when you’re a only a two man band,” Tyler says._

_“And we’re sharing a sucker,” Josh agrees around the candy._

_Tyler shakes his head. “Not a good look at all.”_

_After a moment, he shrugs._

_“I guess it’s not a bad look…”_


End file.
